This week

I was really hoping for a snow/ice day today so that I could write for a long time, but alas I must go to work. As I mentioned before things are so busy in life right now, but also wonderful. I love my job, family, friends, serving at church, being a wife, running, cooking, reading, sleeping etc. but I just cannot find time in each day for all of those things. :) I am looking forward to the time I can do each of these things, even exercising. I am ok with knowing I need to slow down and back off on some of my big picture goals depending on the season of the year. I have so much joy and peace within my life right now that I am not going to get mad about not being able to drop everything and run 4 times a week, rather I will really enjoy the runs and workouts I get in over the next few weeks until things slow down the first week in March and until then be much more mindful about what I am eating. 

I am so excited that I have been challenged lately with a hunger for books and online sermons. I have started keeping a small journal about all of the things I am reading and watching and listening to. It really refreshes me and encourages me throughout the day. Here are some of the things I have been diving into:

Crazy Love by Frances Chan

Heaven by Randy Alcorn

Mere Christianity by  C.S.Lewis

"Real Marriage" http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage (single, dating, married this is awesome stuff no matter what status you currently are).

"Religion Save and 9 Other Misconceptions" http://marshill.com/media/religionsaves

Hopefully I will have more time later this week to share!


"The best of life on Earth is a glimpse of Heaven; the worst is a glimpse of Hell. For Christians, this present life is the closest they will come to Hell. For the unbelievers, it is the closest they will come to Heaven". - Alcorn

This has been haunting my mind all week ever since I read it. I have always thought of this through the eyes of the Christian but to think that this wretched broken Earth is the closest some may ever know of all the beauty and wonder and love that is God really saddens me.

The Busy Days

Oh my it is so very hard to keep up with everything I want to accomplish as well as blog about them now that I am not on Christmas vacation! Especially now that my cheerleading coaching has begun which takes up about three evenings each week and serving at church for AVL and hosting a small group which takes up several hours each week as well. This leaves little time to spend with family, friends, catch up phone calls, exercise, take care of the apartment, cook, sleep well enough to be productive and patient with the children at school and have face to face time with my husband. Some weeks it is so overwhelming to think about all the responsibilities I have.  Sometimes I catch myself getting anxious and worrying about the future and beating myself up thinking "if I cannot handle all of this with a perfect smile, then I will never be able to have kids or take care of a house"! But I know that this way of thinking is not helpful, is a lie, and will only put unnecessary doubt into my mind. I know that taking on extra work right now is actually a privilege and that it is helping me reach some of those long term goals that are so important to me. I am so grateful that God has purposefully placed me in this city, in the school district, in this church community, in my apartment, in my marriage and in my friendships. So many things that have happened to me to create the life that I have right now seem to have come together so perfectly, so perfectly that no one could ever convince me it is "random chance" or "karma" or that I am "deserving". I have not lived a spotless life and I know that I continually struggle with all kinds of sin that tries to creep into my life. The biggest changes have happened over the last three years when I have been working to completely surrender my life to following Christ. Totally letting go, trusting in His plan and trying to the best of my ability to follow through with the work needed to achieve the goals set before me. Sometimes it has been crazy. I signed up for my masters program because of a "feeling" I had, I really felt like I was being told to do it, I signed up two days before the program started without knowing very much about it at all. I moved out on my own without having a solid plan of how I was going to pay all my own bills each month, I lost my job, got a new better job that required me to move away from my family and friends, experienced heart ache like I never imagined possible, fell in love with and married the most amazing man, became involved with a church that has captured my heart and have developed a deep genuine love for Christ. God provided every time. He has constantly made a way for me where I couldn't see any way through. I have so much joy and hope in my life right now. I know that God has called people to experience and do crazier things than what I have experienced but I am continually thinking of God's plan for my life. I feel so confident in living a life that is continually pursuing Him. The greatest of all these changes is definitely marrying Mark. It is a relationship unlike anything I ever knew could exist. He is loving and generous and all of those good things you want in a spouse but he is also good at dong the difficult things. He absolutely sharpens me, humbles me and helps me to stay focused on God. He helps me keep my attitude and temper in check and encourages me when I lose sight of everything I am working for. He gives the best hugs and also knows how to gently kick me out the front door to go to the gym :). He challenges me all the time to be the best possible version of myself and I am so grateful for that. (Of course that is easy to say right now but not always in the midst of him "helping" me).

I am thankful for the obstacles in my life that are ultimately blessings and I pray that I will have more perspective when tough things happen in the future. I am also praying for a joyful heart and a servant's attitude when I am walking through each day and I start to get fatigued, selfish and feel weak. Any prayers for me to persevere through the busy days would be so appreciated.

:)

Ups and Downs Stuff

So here are some of the happenings in my life this week:

On the fitness front: I was able to get a short run in this week (5k) but was not able to get in a second run or cross training, although technically I taught cheerleaders dances and cheers and we conditioned at the start of practice so I think that might count as cross training :). My long run was 9 miles this week and it started of great! I ran pretty quickly to 4 miles and thought, man training for a whole marathon would be a total breeze. Then came miles 5,6, and 7 and then I remembered how hard running is. An elderly lady came and sat on an exercise bike next to my treadmill and I felt her judging me so badly because I had two water bottles, my Netflix playing and I was scarfing down what probably looked to be a chocolate brownie but was actually a fiber one energy square. I felt the urge to need to explain myself that I had been running over an hour and I needed the energy, water and my shows as a distraction from the monotony of my workout. Then I remembered I had invented the whole situation in my head and she had never even spoken a word to me. And that I get incredibly defensive about ridiculous things. That is so dumb, I am working on that.

On the eating better front: I started making smoothies for breakfast everyday this week. We did an experiment to eat vegetarian during the week and meat on weekends as it is cheaper and then we can afford lots of good fresh veggies and fruit for smoothie making. I also have been cutting back on dairy and trying flax, hemp and coconut milk instead as I have been avoiding a long time food issue with milk products and my tummy. The coconut milk is soooooooo tasty! My favorite combination so far is mango, pineapple and banana. Mixed with Super Green from Trader Joe's which is a supplement you can stir in that has all sorts of yummy algae and green superfood inside. It tastes like berries though. We also tried some this week with oats stirred in and chia seeds. It has been fun. I would like to recommend that you not get too excited and try to mix everything together that you buy on the same day because you will end up with a grey cement like concoction that you will not be able to choke down no matter how hard you try. Here are some yummy things we have made over the last week or so. Don't feel like you have to always use the entire recommended "ingredients" list, ain't nobody got time for that". I am very much one to substitute, neglect and ignore ingredients and everything turned out just fine.

 Thai Sweet Chili Glaze Salmon

http://www.onceuponachef.com/2011/10/broiled-salmon-with-thai-sweet-chili-glaze.html

 Sweet Potato Quinoa Cakes with Blackberry Salsa

http://www.howsweeteats.com/2012/05/sweet-potato-quinoa-cakes-with-blackberry-salsa/

Black Bean Chick Pea Avocado Salad

http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/black-bean-chickpea-salad-recipe/index.html

(I experimented with dried beans, I hydrated them overnight and they turned out great, it is WAY cheaper to do beans this way. And by way cheaper I mean a few dollars, dollars are a lot to me).

On the spiritual front: Sort of a major fail. It is so much easier to read about the way you want to live and behave than it is to put it into practice. I had a horrible embarrassingly stupid argument with my husband which I was ultimately in the wrong and instead of just giving an honest genuine apology right when everything happened I reacted like my angry inner 16 year old teenager self. I spewed out a list of expletives and stormed off to my bedroom where I tried to busy myself with other projects until he came around to apologize. Well that of course never happened and he went for a bike ride. After we had calmed down he came back and I (thought) I apologized but things were still kind of weird all night. And the next day, and the day after that. So I kinda tried to apologize over text the following day. And that didn't work and then I was getting super frustrated feeling like it was somehow his fault again for not forgiving me. So then I wrote an email again sort of apologizing... but also justifying all my feelings, reactions thoughts etc. After not hearing a response from him for a few hours I went back and read the email and realized I came across as a total witch. Again, I really thought I was trying to apologize. So finally I wrote another email, not trying to justify myself or to push the blame on him, just genuine sorry-ness. Minutes later I received a text that he forgave me and that we should move on. WHY COULDN'T I JUST HAVE DONE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Why must I hold on to my pride so tightly, why do I feel like I am giving up so much by saying "I am sorry, I messed up", when I know that when my feelings are hurt that is EXACTLY what I want from the other person. A genuine apology. Why do I think it is any easier to half apologize ten times and drag out a dumb argument over days than to simply apologize? I have been thinking a lot about this over the week and then remembered back to an activity we did in marriage counseling where we had to replace our names for the word "Love" as the noun in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

"Brandi is patient and kind; Brandi does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude. She does not insist on her own way; she is not irritable or resentful; she does not rejoice at wrongdoing; but rejoices with truth. Brandi bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Ugh I am such a LIAR! I am not these things lol! I do really want to be though. I have found a new motivation to really work on these qualities especially in my marriage. I need to be building up my husband and strengthening our relationship not be a wrecking ball. Good thing every day is a new day and it is never to late to begin improving. I am so grateful for a husband who loves me not as I deserve but tries to love me how God commands and loves us!

On the finance front: We went on a shopping spree today! At Goodwill! I got pants, skirts, shirts and cycling shorts (don't judge) and Mark got several shirts as well. For about $40.00 we feel like we are fancy and have beautiful clothing. Thank you rich people for giving all your sweet, rarely used, name brand clothes away. Also, I left feeling itchy, but that's all part of the fun.

Happy Saturday world! :)

God is so good!

I woke up today kind of cranky because it has been a super busy week. I started back to teaching full time this week and also have had cheerleading practice for two hours every day after school (tonight is the last one this week though!). My body has been so sore for doing things no one my age should be doing any more, and middle schoolers.... you know, sassy. This week I have been trying to wake up earlier so that I can do some reading, praying and preparing for the day. Tuesday I woke up at 5:30, made dinner in the morning and I was so excited at how prepared I was, only to go out to my car and find that my car battery was dead. :/  My family doesn't live nearby and Mark was already across town at work and I had no idea what to do. I started to get the feeling where your face gets all hot and you feel overwhelmed and confused and nervous. I tried calling a few friends but everyone was already at work and couldn't pick up. I started to say a quiet prayer to myself to calm down because I knew crying wouldn't be helpful. The next thing I knew a guy pulled into the spot next to me, a total stranger. I asked him if he knew how to jump a car because my battery was dead and he said "yes". Then he asked me where my cables were, and I asked him if I could borrow his. He ended up jumping my car and I called into work to let them know I would be late. Everything ended up being fine. The only reason I knew the battery was dead was because I went to brunch with a friend a few months ago and her battery died while we were eating. At the time it seemed like such an inconvenience, but now I am SO glad it happened because I was able to troubleshoot the problem with my car. Afterwards I was able to call my mom and spill my guts to her about how stressful life is, and she gave me such a great pep talk that I soon after forgot all about my car.

This morning in my devotional book I read about praying with a "grateful heart". The assignment it gave me was to pray about the 5 things I am most thankful for out loud. Here is my list:

1. My wonderful, patient, loving husband who has so much grace for me that I don't deserve.
2. A healthy, loving family from my grandparents to my nephews.
3. Having a great job(s) that I love going to every day.
4. Motivation for self improvement and to change my heart and attitude.
5. For being blessed with so many amazing friends (and stranger friends) that enrich my life and help get me through everyday.

Wouldn't you know that I am now having a much brighter outlook on my day. I am no longer focusing on feeling exhausted from my jobs, or stressed out about my car. Each of those five blessings are so much bigger than every day problems. Everything that I thought was so irritating and stressful seemed ridiculous when I actually read my list out loud. I thought, this is such an amazing list! How many people get to read out a list like this? Things look so different when put into perspective.

:)

Pizza Toast!

I am excited to share the amazing news of pizza toast!

Well this is actually the new and improved pizza toast. Any one who knows me knows that I enjoy indulging in pizza frequently. I always thought I was doing myself a favor by constructing my own "pizza toasts" that I assumed were lighter and healthier. These consisted of pizza ingredients such as pepperoni, mozzarella, sometimes tomatoes and onions piled high upon some type of bread product. I wasn't picky, it could be bread, tortilla, pita, leftover biscuits, rolls etc. And since there is little nutrition in each I could easily eat two or three of these pieces of "toast" and I would dunk them in some type of delicious pizza sauce. I have been on a hunt to find an actual healthier way to make this and also to not make it more than once a week :). I believe I have found a good alternative: Tofurkyroni Vegan Pizza toast! I used a sprouted grain tortilla, vegan cheese and tofurky pepperoni. I was nervous to try it but it is pizza in some form and I love pizza in all forms so I ate it and it was wonderful! (Note I dipped it in sauce as well but much less and I used an organic sauce). As I finished it I was complaining to my hubs that I was feeling so full. I never feel full, especially after just one of these pizza type things. Then I decided to look inside the ingredients to see what all was in my creation. When I added everything up here is what I had: 300 cal 7g fat 39g carbs 10g fiber 3g sugar and 17g protein. WHAT? where did all that fiber and protein come from? My old pizza toast never had all that good stuff. Here  is what my old stuff was made up of (as per internet "research") 335 cal 20g fat 21 carbs 0 fiber 13 protein. Neither of these include the sauces because I threw away the can and sauces are hard to find online. :) I was shocked that anyone could feel so full off of such little volume of food. I am also very excited to find a healthier way to eat the things I love so I don't feel like I am sacrificing taste all the time. Yum! This is good stuff.

8 Miles is Good Stuff!

Well I just finished my 8 mile run, the longest I've ever run so far. And it feels amaaaaaaaaaazing! I never thought I could run 8 miles, then again I never thought I could run 4 miles. The longest I have ever really ran was a 5k which is 3.1 miles. I ran two of those and thought they were the biggest deal and the first one I ran with friends sounded so glamorous and fun and I wanted to be cool with all my friends who were really good runners. Unfortunately, I wet my pants during the last part of the race as I crossed the finish line, I really didn't train at all. I had to sit on a towel the whole ride home. :) The second one I ran with my wonderful husband and we ran hard but then went to a breakfast place and ordered an entire table full of food and then slept the day away, we were also in the bottom 1/4 of times for all racers. Both of those things are not the way to do it I have learned. I am not usually someone who likes to practice very much but I am really trying to practice and build up to a larger goal this time. Hopefully I will be able to keep all body fluids and food intake in control. The first "long run" I did was 4 miles and after that I thought I could never do 5. But then I tried 5 the next week and did it and was very surprised but again thought I will never be able to do 6. Then I ran 7 miles about as fast as the 6 so I felt super empowered... and then I did 8 today and it took way longer than I anticipated. I just have to stick with it, and I plan to! The other good thing about treadmill running is getting to see your calories being calculated. I know its not 100% accurate but I am a sucker for stats and it always motivates me. I burned 918 calories and that was the best feeling of all. I was all like "well I just cancelled out my breakfast and lunch, lets eat a big fatty dinner!" Luckily my husband was around and encouraged me to not spend all the calories I just earned back in one sitting. I really think anyone could do this plan even if you just start by walking and sprinkling in jogging when you can. I also started bring a snack to eat (I started this with my 7 mile run) to eat part way through so I had the energy to keep going. Last week it was a 90 calorie bar and today it was two bites of some weird Kashi brownie, but I wasn't feeling in the mood to eat it so I didn't get very far. It is amazing how much farther I was able to push myself just by taking a few bites of something.

Other good stuff:
* I had lunch with a new friend and she is awesome, it is amazing to me how God can connect you with others at the right place and time to help one another through life.
* A friend from church passed along an extra toaster oven they received for Christmas. It was so thoughtful and sweet.
* My sis came over and we are making duct tape dress forms to help sew clothing! I will share more when they are done.

Happy Weekend!

Craft Time! Throw Pillows

Part of spending less means doing more on my own. I decided to spend some of my break learning/relearning how to sew. Here are before and after pictures of my couches with recovered throw pillows! They are not perfect, but a much welcomed improvement. JoAnn Fabrics had all of their clearance fabric marked down an additional 50% so I pulled three fabrics that didn't really match but "go" well enough. I already had thread leftover from hand me downs and other projects so for about $12.00 I was able to re-cover ten pillows to and make our apartment feel a little bit more homey and relaxing. Not to mention cleaning up my junk and vacuuming helps too. :) What DIY stuff have you done (that you actually like) that helped your living space feel more comfortable?

January 3, 2013 A new year and a fresh start!

As I think over my long list of things I want to accomplish this year and do with my life I can't help but wonder if I will stick with everything or let my goals fizzle out like some over the years because life gets too hard and circumstances get too tough and things become less prioritized. It is my hope that by blogging about my goals and progress I will be more accountable to following through. I have been so inspired lately by friends, family and God's word to really push myself this year and to raise the bar of responsibility in my life. Although I am 27, I still often feel like I am in some transition period and I am only 21; but I am living independently of my parents, have a full time job and I am married. I am really truly a grown up and many of my goals are to help me update my lifestyle to be more fulfilling.

I am working full time as a teacher in a wonderful school district where I work with gifted students grades 1-4, it is an amazing job and I love going to work everyday whether I show it or not. (I need to work on that). I also coach middle school cheerleading in my district. I am recently married to a wonderful, hardworking loving man. (Again whether I show it or not :)) I am also working on making my health a priority in my life as I have just kind of been floating along feeling OK about how I look and feel, not ever putting too much effort into my body and wearing big sweaters on chubby feeling days. I know I can certainly do better in this department. Lastly the biggest and most important change in my life has been my involvement in my church and my dedication to living a life that is focused on God's plan and searching His word. Again, I have just kind of been doing the minimum attending Bible studies, volunteering to help run sound and presentation and attending Sunday mornings. I worked on being able to tithe this year and it has drastically changed my life and how I prioritize my finances, it is wonderfully freeing!

I have found that my time, money, stress, pleasure and goals are all best managed when I am trying to live my life the way God calls us to in scripture. When I am physically fit and rested I am more productive as a teacher, wife and homemaker. So then why do I want to come home from work and crash in front of the tv like a zombie until I fall asleep wake up drooling and then want to scarf down a bag of chips and reheat coffee from the morning to "rewake" me up? I often think to myself how do people ever have kids when I can hardly get myself through an entire day feeling productive. And I DO want children by the way. Why would I rather watch 5 episodes of Desperate Housewives than sit and read my Bible and meditate on God's word? Why do I spend so much of my time thinking about what other people think of me rather than focusing on having a servants heart and loving others always? Why is it easier to disagree with my husband and point out his flaws than it is to lift him up, support him and show him genuine love and appreciation that I feel? All of these point to one thing: selfishness. It is easier to sleep than work, it is easier to eat junk food to quickly jump start my body and mind for a couple hours at a time, it is easier to be mindless in front of a screen than it is to examine my own life and it is easier to be confrontational and full of pride than it is to lay down my rights and put my husband's feelings before my own. I am very selfish if I boil it all down! The good thing is that God loves me in spite of my selfishness and he has new mercy and grace for me each day. I really feel like he has been speaking to me lately to step things up in my life, take the focus off of myself and my want for pleasure in the moment so I can invest in long term things that may be less than comfortable right now. My biggest punch in the face by God to wake up was this past Sunday at church where a friend and worship leader at my church spoke on the use of time. He only speaks about once a year and it was crazy how relevant his topic was for me. You can listen to Neal's message here: http://www.hopechristianchurch.com/index.php/sermons/by-date/audio/93-time I decided I wanted to make some major changes in my life but I wasn't sure how to make sure I stick with it. I have been praying about it and I felt like God was calling me to share with others and blog about "all the good stuff". I think this will be a great way to approach changing as I have so much good stuff in my life as a result of following his word as well as dark patches in my past full of brokenness and heartache from when I tried to do things my own way and failed. Here is some of the good stuff that has happened over the past couple of weeks/months that are a huge motivation for me:

* I began training for a half marathon because I miserably fail at working out without a big end goal. Also my roomie from college did it and she is amazing so I want to try it too!
* I have really begun hacking away at my/our (but mostly my because its huge) debt. By trying to think of money in the way God explains and really scrutinizing needs and wants I have been able to do some downsizing in life that is getting me more financially on track than ever before. All while I am giving away over a tenth of what we earn (which was really hard at first but now with a changed heart I view finances much differently). I also have an actually savings account for the first time in my life with money in it. It is not a lot of money, but it exists and we hope to buy a house sometime this year so I hope to grow it!
* My husband and I became leaders of a small group at church that we host in our home every other week to get together with other Christians who are commited to the group and we study the Bible together, discuss our lives and ask really tough questions. It has been a blessing in so many ways. I am so proud of my husband for taking on the task of planning each of our meetings.
* I have been researching, and by researching I mean watching way to many documentaries than is good for me about what I put into my body and have found that I could stand to make some significant changes. I also had a blood test done this fall as part of a routine physical and they found less than desirable amounts of bad cholesterol and borderline high triglycerides. (I blame the Halloween candy I had been eating like a crazy person that week but anyways...) I thought I had been eating mostly lean meats and veggies but after keeping a food journal for a week I found that my diet was actually a lot more of coffee, cheese alone and chips with cheese and popcorn with cheese. Wouldn't you know cheese is high in all the bad stuff in my blood, not to mention does horrible things to my stomach (why do I crave it so badly!? It is delicious! :))
* I have been purchasing non caustic, more natural cleaning, beauty and health products and have found a significant reduction in my skin sensitivity and how often I get sick. It seems small but it has made a big difference.
* Also, being married. It might sound cheesy but wow what a difference having a loving husband who first serves God then me has been. He is such an amazing leader and has helped me to want to make positive changes in my life without pointing out my flaws and with gentleness. He always puts my happiness and health before himself, he is so level headed and calm and he embraces everything about me even the parts that are unlike him.
* I was asked if I was "expecting". Yup an adult asked me if I was pregnant and she was totally serious. Although it seems strange to put this into my category of "good stuff" it actually was the straw on the camel's back to motivate me to make some huge changes. After an evening of bawling into my pillow and sobbing into my huband's shirt completely covering it in mascara and and having a pity-fest I decided to channel all that ickiness into running for better health. I have put on close to 15 pounds since July 2012 when I got married, I guess that's what wedded bliss does to you :)!

So based on these foundations of "good stuff" here is what I would like to accomplish this year:

- run a half marathon, possibly train for a full
- get get my body into better shape and health (lets be honest every other time has been to look skinny/sexy not for health) not that looking good won't be welcome.
- pay off 1/10 of my debt
- eat more whole foods and try for a more plant based diet with far less cheese :)
- spend time with God every day, more than a quick prayer in the car or praying while dozing off to sleep.
- actually living my life more like Jesus. I don't want people to know that I am a Christian just because I'm busy on Sundays, rather because something in me is different and how I live my life is different. This includes doing all acts of service and work with a cheerful giving heart and being more positive in general.
- Blogging on my progress and challenges.

So there it is, all of my good stuff, things I want to change and what I am going to do about it. The truth is it will never get any easier. Not when I have a house, not when I have kids. Never. Now is the time to make changes. I have the choice of what I put in my body, if I exercise my body, how I spent my time and how I treat others. No excuses. It is a wonderful freedom that I have these choices and I need to take advantage of that. Here is to hoping that this year will be just as blessed if not more than all the others. I will keep you posted on all the good stuff (and probably the bad, tough, crappy stuff too)! :)